From Burnout to Bonding: 3 Steps for Quality Time with Your Kids

If you’re working full time, you likely have just a few hours to spend with your kids most days of the week, and those hours are at the end of a long day of work for you and a long day of school or daycare for your kids. Everyone is likely fatigued from having to hold it together all day, and dinner has to be made and eaten, baths taken, and bedtime routines completed. The situation is rife with meltdowns and attitudes from you, your partner, and your kids.

With limited time and a lengthy, often repetitive, and borderline Groundhog Day-like to-do list, when the heck are you supposed to bond with your kid? And with what energy are you supposed to show up for said bonding?

It can feel exhausting and next to impossible. And when goals are unattainable, we often think…why bother trying at all? Life is just hard, right?

Well, I’m here to say no matter how burnt out you feel or whatever patterns you’re set in right now — it’s not impossible to show up as you always dreamed you would, and simple changes can go a long way.



Here are three things you can do to show up as your best self in those precious few evening hours:

Build in a transition between the work day and family time.

I get it. Time is precious. There are just a few hours you can spend together. Adding another “thing” to the list of chores seems like a step in the wrong direction. But hear me out.

This transition does not have to be time-consuming.

The general idea is to signal to yourself that 1) the workday is done, 2) family time begins, and 3) it’s time to reset, leave the stressors of the workday behind, and be present for your family.

This could look like:

• Taking a few deep, intentional breaths in your car before you drive to pick up your kids

• Listening to a song that consistently uplifts your spirit

• Finding a free 3-minute meditation on YouTube

• Setting an intention for yourself for the evening, such as “I will put my phone down when my child speaks to me and give them my full, undivided attention” or “If I begin to feel overwhelmed, I will step out of the room for a few minutes and take several deep breaths rather than reacting immediately.”

Make playtime fun for everyone — yes, even YOU should be having fun during playtime.

There are 12 different languages of play. Play means something different to everyone, and finding common ground between you and your child is important. In my 10-week transformational parenting program, a whole week is dedicated specifically to this topic.

If it isn’t fun, it’s not play, and if you’re not having fun, your kid can sense that. The time you spend with them “faking it” will not fulfill them, and they will continue asking, “Mommy, will you play with me?” Fifteen minutes of play with your kid where you’re present, engaged, and having fun is greater than an hour where you’re faking it—quality vs. quantity.

So…do you HATE building with Legos? Does the messiness of Play-Doh infuriate you? Is pretend play just too hard? Will you explode if you read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom one more time? Whatever activity your kid loves, and you can’t stand, suggest something else. You matter in this equation, too.

Play that appeals to you is specific to your languages of play, but here are a few suggestions that I personally enjoy:

• Try something physical, like hide-and-seek. This game is fun for a variety of age groups. I recently played hide-and-seek with my 4-year-old, 1-year-old, and brother, and I felt like a kid again. Watching a toddler try to play is hilarious, and the spots my 4-year-old found to hide are impressive. It also burned some serious energy, which I appreciated when bedtime rolled around. Sometimes, we even hide objects, and my kids love to look for them. This game was inspired by Easter egg hunts, which my kids wanted to make a daily occurrence.

• Watch something that will make you both laugh. If you have older kids, watching funny YouTube videos and laughing together is time well-spent and makes for good jokes later.

• Board games. We started with simple board games as young as age 3. Nothing humbles you quite like playing a memory-matching game with a 3-year-old and genuinely losing. I was no match for her a year ago, and she still wins sometimes, but it’s fun for me to try.

• Get outside. This option is almost always a good one, whether playing in a sandbox, riding bikes, or going for a walk and catching up on your days. With summer approaching, getting outside in the evening after work and school is a valid option.

Compassion, compassion, compassion.

Some days are just hard. We can’t always show up the way we intend to, and we can’t constantly be engaging and present.

Here are a few suggestions for those discouraging evenings when you aren’t the parent you hoped you’d be:

• Apologize if it feels right. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Mommy had a rough day today, and I’m feeling sad. My frustration right now has nothing to do with you. Tomorrow is a new day to try again.” Without your explanation, your child’s brain will create a story where THEY are the problem, and THEY did something wrong to cause your mood and distance. A simple apology or explanation can go a long way.

• Show yourself compassion. We all experience rough seasons of life. Be gentle with yourself as you would with a good friend. You’re a good mom or dad.

• Give yourself a break. The daily grind wears us all down. Can you plan one evening a week when you go out to do something for yourself? If not, how about one evening a month? Signal to yourself that you matter, too, by making a plan to take care of yourself. In so doing, it will be easier to show up for everyone around you the rest of the time.

Well, there you have it, three simple changes to go from burnout to bonding, to create the foundation for the relationship you’d always envisioned you’d have with your children. But simple isn’t always easy, and knowing is only half the battle. If this speaks to you and you’re ready to commit to change, coaching is the leap that will get you there. Change is always possible, and it’s never too late.